The Mom’s At-Home
Serenity Guide
How to Be Happy and Peaceful Even When Up to Your Elbows in
Dishes, Diapers, and Decimals!
By: Jackie Cole,
Stress Management Expert, Former Homeschool Mom.
Hi Mom!
You are on a sacred and important mission: to raise one (or more) beautiful, soul(s) to adulthood as healthy and happy as possible! So have you thought about how you would like to feel through this journey? How about Fulfilled? Appreciated? Loved? Joyful? Fully Alive? Would you like to have peace of mind?
Let’s be honest, it’s a tough job to be available for others; you make quick executive decisions all day long, knowing that the “buck” falls on you. If you are like I was, you probably are feeling overwhelmed and anxious much of the time (flying by the seat of my pants, to parent my children better than I was raised).
As a homeschooling mother of two, I had ambition, curriculum, friends, family, a faith community, and more. What I didn’t have, was an off switch; I was always “on”. In loving and giving so much to my family, I somehow lost myself, and I no longer knew what I wanted. I was experiencing a major case of burnout. Burnout, is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, from meeting constant demands. Burnout is like running out of life-giving oxygen. To prevent it, Mom, you need to follow the airline rules, “Put the mask on yourself first, and breathe!”
Maybe you are feeling depleted, anxious, and overwhelmed like I did. Is worry keeping you up at night? If so, you could be suffering stress overload. Stress wears on all the body systems creating illness. I developed stomach ulcers, insomnia, headaches and migraines. I became more and more depressed and didn’t know what to do about it. I had small children who needed me; so, thoughts of running away and suicide, scared me into finding a different way to be.
I took action by going into therapy, and I began to learn all about stress. I studied in universities, from books, spiritual teachers, and from life events. What I discovered was a richer way of living with real peace, free from the soul-crushing grip of stress. I learned many effective tools and techniques that I teach to others as a stress management consultant for the past thirty years.
These tools show mom’s like you, how to find unshakable calm within. They have helped first responders and disaster victims, to access serenity on purpose. Try them, practice regularly to break free of negativity so that you can enjoy life just as it is, while having a clear plan to make it better! Discover peace of mind for yourself along with the confidence to have the joyful and fulfilled change you want – without expending a lot of time, money, and energy!
Whether you are in full flame or just beginning to smoulder from stress, these anti-burnout practices will fill up so you so that you can get back to enjoying your life!
12 SURE FIRE TIPS FOR SERENITY
Stress tip #I. KUDOS – Being your own boss (or having demanding bosses with short legs) it is imperative to recognize your accomplishments. What went well today? Name it, then give yourself kudos, a pat on the back, an atta girl, a treat, a victory dance, whatever, to celebrate even tiny wins (which will lead to big ones). *Kids growing up watching mommy celebrate will take time for their own recognition and celebration. Of course, you can also celebrate your kids’ wins too!
Stress tip #2. BREATH – We need brain power to stay on our toes but most of us are oxygen starved because we don’t breathe deeply. Deep breath slows the stress response allowing the brain and body to relax and get more oxygen. Follow this simple breathing meditation:
Take a moment to sit comfortably and focus on breathing through the nose beginning with a slow inhalation (to the count of 4) and then hold the breath (count 2) then gently exhale (again to a count of 4) and hold the breath (for count of 2). Do this for at least 5 cycles and then notice how you feel.
Stress tip #3. EMOTION - Now that you are calm, what positive emotion would you like to feel? Recall a time in your mind that corresponds to that feeling. For instance, I feel inspired around a certain spiritual teacher so when I want to experience the feeling of inspiration, I think of her.
Stress tip #4. EMBODY – Now allow yourself to feel your chosen emotion within your body. Allow your mind to realize what that emotion does, notice hysical changes when you embody the love-based emotion. Is there a smile on your face? Do you feel lighter? Does your back straighten? What happens to your pulse? Observe and enjoy feeling that positive emotion fully!
Stress tip #5. EMPOWER – Were you able to conjure up a positive emotion and feel it all through your body even though nothing in your world changed? You can do this anytime, because the brain does not know the difference between doing and thinking. When you allow yourself to embody positive emotions, you infuse yourself with health; boosting immunity, improving digestion, pumping happy hormones called endorphins through your system, lowering blood pressure, and much more!
Stress tip #6. Make It Up – Do you know that we think about 60,000 thoughts a day? How many of your thoughts are supportive? As a mom, I worried that my best wasn’t good enough, I mean, it wasn’t like I got a paycheck or an evaluation to tell me how I was doing! I constantly fed myself negative thoughts, and soon I became my own worst enemy! I was worried about what could happen in a future that was yet to be written. I didn’t realize that I was making it all up! Now, I make up stories with positive endings! For example; heading to an appointment, I could choose to fear that I might be late, or I could imagine that my timing will be perfect! Whew! What a difference a thought makes! Worry is wasted energy and most of what we worry about never happens anyway!
Stress tip #7. Affirmations – How many times have you made negative comments about yourself - about your body? Isn’t it the same wonderful vehicle that birthed and carried your beautiful child in your arms? What if you fed your body gratitude for all it does and showed it appreciation? What if instead of personal put-downs, you affirmed how smart, capable, beautiful, and kind you are? How would this change your day/outlook/life?
Use affirmations daily. Write them on sticky notes and paste on the fridge or wherever you can see them regularly! Any affirmations that light you up are good, try these:
AFFIRMATIONS
I trust myself to make good choices and decisions.
I let go of how things are supposed to happen and lovingly accept what is.
I love and appreciate my beautiful body.
I give myself permission to nurture ME.
The love I give comes back to me.
The best I can do is always enough.
I am love, loved, and loving.
Today, I choose to let go of guilt and enjoy my life.
I am amazing and I make amazing things happen.
Life is a gift I treasure.
Life supports me.
I am bold, beautiful, bountiful, and brilliant!
Stress tip #8. Do What You Love! So now you may say: Omigosh! Me? Really? I can’t take time for me, it’s all about them! No, Virginia, its time to treat yourself like you are important (because you are)! What do you love besides your wonderful family? What hobbies or interests have you put aside? What would you do if you had all the time, money, and energy to do it? Step 1, write something down, Step 2, brainstorm about things you love so that you have a nice list to draw from (you can add to it anytime)! For example:
I love chocolate ice cream especially when it just starts to melt.
I love watching colorful sunsets
I love attending live outdoor concerts on blankets in the park
I love sailing
Now pick one (or two) and do it (them)! So, … I get to eat that perfectly soft delicious ice cream while watching the brilliant color as the sun goes down. How cool is that?
Stress tip #9. RELAX – Really! Relaxation is an art we weren’t taught in school (not the same as nap time, but napping is good if the kids are sleeping too!) If you can, get a good professional massage, or trade with a friend. Try Progressive Relaxation Techniques where you tighten and relax each area starting with the head and working down, (learn more at www.newleafbodyworks.abmp.com) Share them with your family, it works!
Stress tip #10. FEED YOUR SOUL! You are a spiritual being having a physical experience. Along with rest and good nutrition, Movement, Inspiration, Creative Expression, and Connection are essential, as is time outdoors. Even at home you (and the kiddos) can crank up the music and/or break out paper and scissors to have fun with some of the following:
Movement: Practice yoga, tai chi, dance, workout, bodybuild, walk, jog,
Creation: Write articles, poetry, Style hair or make-up, Sing or play music, drum, Bead, Macrame’, Sew, quilt, weave, knit, crochet, Grow Plants, Make art - color, paint, collage, draw, photographs, sculpt - paper mache’, Cook, try new recipes
Inspiration: Meditate, Pray, Visualize, Make vision boards, Read, Collect and share quotes, memes, affirmations, Online worship, motivational speakers, Tedx,
Connection: Chat, hang-out (in person or google hang-outs, have pen-pals, play with a pet, Birdwatch, make a worm bin, or an ant farm, meet-up or facebook groups, give/get hugs, massage and/or energy work.
Get in the sun, breathe the fresh air, take in beauty!
Stress Tip #11. “We” is greater than me, #Tribe. Who do you go to for support? I am not talking about a babysitter, (although very nice to have). The female brain processes by talking, its how we are wired. When we share and connect with like-minded community authentically, we find our own answers. Like:
its ok to wonder if getting pregnant again is a smart choice right now,
it is normal to freak out temporarily when you discover that your kid has been brushing the dog’s teeth with your toothbrush!
Seek women (of all ages and stages) online or in person who might want to share, laugh, or listen. Stress does a number on the critical thinking part of the brain; it helps to have a lifeline at the ready. Make it a priority to stay connected. Join our online Nourished Moms Circle!
Stress Tip #12. Meditation. The number one way to quiet the mind. If would like instruction, join our free group at Www.theinnermatrix.com for more info. The benefits of meditation are numerous for good health and wellbeing, meditation helps you to de-fog and calm your brain’s restless activity. It rests and refreshes the body. Stress depletes, meditation energizes, it is that simple! You will be surprised at how fulfilling a regular commitment to a practice will open you up to greater possibility. When I began a regular meditation practice, I learned to trust myself because I was showing up for me! There are many ways to meditate so don’t stress about getting it right. If you can start two days a week, then begin there. Twenty minutes of meditation is ideal to create changes your brain and physiology; do whatever you can do consistently (same time and place). Believe it or not, I started my regular meditation practice for five minutes a day in the car waiting for my kids! Just remember, a good mom is well-filled!
The Good Mom’s Meditation
Sit in a chair comfortably with your feet on the floor. Or, on the ground with legs crossed if that is comfortable. Make sure your spine is straight and the body is relaxed. Close your eyes and breathe in through the nose following the breath to the bottom of the lungs. Breathe out through the nose, feeling the warm breath leave the nostrils. Repeat with slow calm breaths.
Now make a mental connection to your higher self - as the ideal parent; choose three qualities that you value as this, they might be: Compassion, love, playfulness, wisdom, strength, etc. Focus on the qualities that light you up most and sit with them, breathe deeply and notice how you feel as you focus here. Now pick a quality to embody right now. Inhale deeply: “I AM” then exhale (the quality).
Inhale: “I AM”, exhale, “Joy”. Repeat this to yourself allowing the brain and the body to calm and experience joy (or your choice). If you like, a rosary or mala can help you to stay focused as you count 108 of these. When done, take a deep breath and declare to yourself with a smile on your face: “I am a good mom!” Open your eyes and stretch.
Congratulations! You are a good mom because you are taking care of yourself so that you can be there for your family! You are human; perfectly imperfect like the rest of us! And you are beautiful! Your job is important and you deserve support. Kudos (Tip #1) for filling yourself up!
Let us know how you are doing and what you came up with! We love to share tips! Meet us on Facebook: Www.facebook.com/nlbodyworks/